Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain
This past week has been stressful for me. Have not been sleeping well, laying awake for hours at a time wondering about all the what ifs. But today, I finally had to grab the bull by the horns and get on with it.
I had to tell my work that I would like to go back to Canada. This was really the final hurdle before I could put everything into place. As a permanent employee of the government, I can take up to a year without pay and perhaps even longer. The last time I was in Canada, I had enough long service leave and recreation leave (at half pay) to last almost a year, then the remainder of the time was without pay.
This time, I was so doubtful about if I'd be able to take another year off, so soon, without pay. I guess the thing that worried me the most was job stability and the fact that if things didn't work out that I would not have a permanent job to come back to. But in saying that, I have hardly been in my permanent position this year. I've been given the opportunity to work in a number of higher positions which has been wonderful and given me so many more skills which will come in handy. Also, I don't know what I was worried about because if I didn't have a job to come back to I have plenty of skills to get a job easily.
This week I finally told the people in my team about my plans to go to Canada. They were all supportive. Tick. One of my close work colleagues is the HR person for our division. She said that the worst case was that maybe I would have to resign. Which by now, I had come to the conclusion that this would be ok. I mean, I don't really want to go back to my permanent position as I feel as if I have moved on. I worked in that role for 6 years prior to my last trip to Canada then when I came back in January, it further proved that I had moved on. Everything was the same, year in year out. All the same projects which I just don't have the passion for anymore. So, I resided to the fact that perhaps I will have to resign.
Every day this week, I was meaning to talk to my Manager, practicing over and over in my head what to say, which was fine. But when push came to shove, I just couldn't do it. Honestly, I don't know what was holding me back. Perhaps that when I did ask that it meant that it was a reality. Something that I had been building up for so long in my head was finally becoming a reality. It also doesn't help that I have a habit of overthinking things!
Then it came to today. Friday. Mum and I had an appointment with the travel agent at 1pm. We also have plans to go the North American travel expo this weekend. So really, I needed to know whether it was possible to take leave so I could book flights. Also, I have been talking to many friends in Canada saying that I'd be back in mid-October. Didn't want to let them down either. Finally, this morning, I wrote an email to my boss asking for a meeting and she agreed. Then the time came to see her. I had been building it up so much, I was so nervous and then I asked. She said "yes of course. If that's what you want." Hallelujah!
It was funny, leading up to it, I thought to myself "you're going to build this up so much that it really isn't a big deal in the long run. Years from now you'll look back on this and laugh." I was right.
Perhaps it's because this is the beginning of another significant chapter in my life. The funny thing is I'm more nervous about asking a boss for time off than moving to another country, with no job and no permanent accommodation. What the. Priorities hey?
But seriously, I don't know what's in store for me. I don't have a job. I don't have a place to stay. I'll probably have to live in a hostel for a couple of weeks. The good thing is that I do have friends I can see and more contacts than the first time. Who knows what will happen? I could be home in 6 months or I could be home in 2 years or I may never go home. Life is an adventure. Bring on the next chapter.
